Jimmy Eat World - 23

This is really the song to turn to anytime.

Sigh.

Wesley Chan (of wongfu productions) - These Four Walls

Behind the Visual Effects


Behind the Music

Time consuming process, but worth it.

-

I think I've finally found some inspiration to do something. And I recognize Florence. I miss Italy and its breathtaking beauty. Miss it too much. My favourite parts were the unfurling of the petals, the flower windmill on a train ride, the beautiful sunset shots. His little pieces of art - check out his other animations- make me feel like playing around with my camera and random things too. They're actually rather simple stuff. Not wow-inducing complicated amazing pieces of unattainable standard, but still quiet and cinematic and beautiful. Exactly why it's inspiring. Makes doing something good out of just a few lines possible. Which is to say, maybe the reason I've stopped drawing is because of me being afraid of not meeting my own standards. I don't actually know how much I like art. 

Gotta play around with the camera more (my shots are so lousy compared to the ones in the video! They lack that depth of field), come up with a simple concept and actually make something. If I can. Or interview some people. And read. No but really, I don't get how looking through his shorts and random drawings made me pick up some coloured pencils last night. I'm not complaining.

Sentences here are so choppy. 

Sometimes I think I hold onto my achievements, though little, too tightly. Because they're new, because I've never had them in the past, because I used to feel terrible about not having them. It's as though they've become me, and that should not be the case.

Just ended a phone call with ky. Decisions... what if what I've always wanted to do isn't the right thing for me? Fass are you really the right choice?

keep your judgements to yourself, they're not needed.

One of the happiest days of April. Happiest, in fact. Even happier than the days I got app notifs. Warmth I felt from my relatives was a totally different emotion. I felt light, and liberated, and free today. So there was a workshop and to sum it all up, we moved to music, walked around using the four natural body dispositions. Doing all those actions without a care about how others look at you is one of the best feelings on earth. Just let loose. The lightness I experienced was simply amazing. Also, through the group work, I realised I am only selectively attentive (tend to ignore those who annoy me). I should also be more observant and be present for them. All people.

On the way home, (actually talked a little more to -and smiled at- my coursemates whom i'm usually reserved around) I dropped by a friend's place just to "pass it on". A pack of snacks. I don't know, when everything's so sunny and positive you JUST feel like doing nice things. But the reaction I got helped me realise that "spreading happiness" does not only mean doing whatever you feel like for the person. It's like being a sun when the person's under the shade in the first place. Maybe spreading happiness means to first know what the person wants, and providing for that need. Maybe.

While walking to my piano tutee's place this afternoon, I thought about what people have done for me last year, and I thought about my friend who's now in a similar situation. There's something I want to offer. There's something I can offer.

Okay this whole positivity thing isn't really "me", but let's just bask in it while it lasts. (usually doesn't) Warmth and lightness :)

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THIS VIDEO! Kindness boomerang - one day

Here are a bunch of people I am not close to. That I chose not to interact with. There has been a change in me the past two weeks, some sort of epiphany I didn't even realise I had, and now I wish to talk to them. But how can they feel close to me when I hardly talked the past two months? I start to feel out of place the moment I actually have a desire for interaction. So I shall tell myself I don't need this interaction. When in actual fact.. I want it. But it's okay. I don't need it. I don't need it.

“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with

inspiration or fuels your imagination.

Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings,

photographs, poems, dreams, random

conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds,

bodies of water, light and shadows.

Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul.

If you do this, your work (and theft) will

be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is nonexistent.

And don’t bother concealing your

thievery—celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always

remember what Jean-Luc Godard said:

“It’s not where you take things from—it’s where you take them to.”

— Jim Jarmusch

The Beatles - Julia

Watched "nowhere boy" today, under nic's recommendation. It wasn't really a recommendation actually, she just said something which made me want to watch it. I love sad movies. It was painful and confusing at one point, the kind where tears can't dissolve anger. So much pain and anger, watching him... words can't be found today. As with other days recently.

It was a story of John Lennon's childhood/teenage years. I remember the scene where he left julia's (his biological mother) place after having learnt bobby (her husband) didn't want him around, that scene was one filled with loss and confusion for me. It was bleak, and upon retrospect I feel fortunate to have a complete family. And I feel like hugging anyone who misses that feeling, not out of pity but out of.. I don't know, I just feel like hugging them.

I'm out of words, it was a good movie. I teared.

-

Also, my fingers are frickin' itching to play the guitar (a brand new capo for me to test out), but it's been sent for repair. Poor baby got a broken neck and I can't see her till a month later.(glossy sexy black her might as well be a she) The tips of my fingers are still hard from tuesday.My fingers are itching. to. play. a. guitar.

I bought the book of disquiet from book depository last night, please arrive in the mail soon? The ones on my shelf don't interest my current self, and maybe I should also get a copy of "what is love" for myself. The one I got from the library, loved, and had to let go of.

-

The Beatles - Let it be

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It's been a long day. I received an sms from NUS this morning, asking me to check the status of my application. Okay, good news. But honestly, I am unsure of what the future holds for me. I forsee a few years of enjoyment in school, it will be. But how about the future? We shall see, I guess.

Phoenix - Lisztomania

Oh my god this is still one of my favourite songs. The rest include.. okay there is a long list of songs I love ALOT. But I just love this ok.

On my way out last night (19th april 2012), I received an email from utown which kind of made my day. I'm going Tembusu! Most probably. Still trying to figure out a way to finance at least part of the costs myself, and discuss it with my parents. Now I'm just waiting for the application status to change. I'm thankful things have been going well for me this year, and thankful for the support my friends and parents have given me. Wallow-in-self-pity state, you've been kicked out of the window. I shall work on kicking other nonsense out of the window.

Roughly 2-3 more months till the start of school, I honestly cannot wait. I know people tell me it's not as exciting as it sounds but.. the thought of doing different modules excite me. Exams do sound horrible so let's just leave them aside, let me dance around first.

-

Also read Disquiet by Julia Leigh yesterday. It was a good book.

inability to communicate.

LET ME LIVE MY LIFE THANK YOU.

Now that some posts have resurfaced.. i hate this place! This place is now disgusting. Seems like I'm not exactly comfortable with things of the past yet. So the interviewer asked "i see you took the A's as a private candidate last year, why is that so?". I looked away and said I was insecure then. I looked away? Really?! I don't even care if people have any opinions about me retaking them anymore, but never knew I was still uncomfortable with telling them the reason. Yeah that's all I noticed. I am moving on.

i love hong kong.

not going to talk about it though! reading whatever you type (nobody really knows who my "you"s refer to -i think- but it doesn't matter) reminds me of how disgustingly obsessive i can get, so i shall get on with life like how i walked around alone (with a map) yesterday. But then again. Rach and I watched love lifting at the cinema today and it reminded us of how fragile life is and that we should really treasure the ones around us. And the very fact that we're breathing is a blessing.

2 April 2012, Monday

Mr Tong spent some time talking to me today. I am grateful.

I resolve to focus out, not in. and understand that I am enough.

Strive for improvement through ambition, not insecurity.

Will aim to solve the problems I am facing now.

-

will be flying off to hk in a few hours' time, be back in a week.

One more essay to write and I am watching videos.

i am in love with arden cho and ryan higa at the same time.

Feminist rants (nigahiga)

Weird people

and i get really amused when i hear the word friendzone

so here is arden cho (how gorgeous...) talking about it.

arden cho is so pretty.

I was brought to her thanks to her cover of "love you like a love song" (I have been listening to crappy songs lately I need salvation).

-

Sounding like a 15 year old kid here so, bye.

Published almost all my past drafts today. Maybe 40 of them. Okay maybe there are 50 more from 2010. They're all lost in a sea of words. The important thoughts all tangled up with the unimportant, pathetic ones. But I'm made up of everything anyway. If only blogposts could be "starred" like emails.

I am high maintenance and i cannot control my temper, and this is really rare. Sadness is my dominant emotion but frustration is coursing through my veins. I seldom feel frustration to such an extent. This blogpost is bloody self absorbed but I don't care. I am frustrated and I can't control my temper and i am insane, and I don't have the capacity to care for other people again and I hate this part of me so I will wake up tomorrow and channel energy towards other people and forget about myself and be alright again.